A video message for your child's eighteenth birthday

There is a specific kind of message worth recording long before it is needed: the one your child opens on the morning they turn eighteen. You can record it now and have it held and delivered on the exact date, whether that day is next year or fifteen years away.

Why record it years early

The temptation is to wait until the birthday is close so it feels current. Do the opposite. A message recorded when your child is small captures something they can never otherwise have: you, as you were, when they were young. The distance between the person recording and the person watching is the whole point.

What to say

You are speaking to an adult who does not exist yet. That is easier than it sounds if you cover a few things:

• What they were like as a child, in your words, so they can see themselves through your eyes.
• What you hope adulthood gives them, without turning it into a list of expectations.
• The values you tried to raise them with, said once, plainly.
• Permission. To choose their own path, to make mistakes, to become someone you did not plan.

Keep it warm, not heavy

A birthday message should feel like a gift, not a lecture. Tell them a funny story about themselves. Laugh. The goal is that they finish it smiling and wanting to watch it again, not feeling the weight of everything you hope for them.

One message or many

Some parents record a single eighteenth-birthday message. Others record one every few years and let their child watch the whole series on the day, seeing themselves grow up through their parent's eyes. Either works. If you are drawn to the second, our milestone occasion guide explains how to schedule a set.

Whatever you choose, the best time to record it is now, while they are exactly who they are today. Start the message.